Matt Heffernan's
"South Park" Page

If you weren't such an idiot, you'd have a java-capable browser and you would get to see a countdown to the next showing of South Park in real time. Just go install one today before I have to go over there and "convince" you.

Come on down to South Park...

Check out my review of the feature film South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut at

The time has come for some tweaking of the site. Bigger changes are ahead, so be prepared. As before, the original sections of the site:

I've also dispensed with the false promises of things to come. It's been two and a half years, and those features never materialized. Not out of laziness, mind you, but distraction with my other projects. For now, I will entice you with a little something new: exclusive photographs of some bootleg "South Park" merchandise from Russia, of all places! Thanks to my friend Stew for carting these wooden shell dolls to the states. They're just like the normal Russian dolls that stack inside each other, except they feature the likenesses of "South Park" characters instead of the familiar babushka drawings. I have taken two pictures, one showing the reverse side of the Cartman doll (the biggest, naturally), on which the words "South PARK" are crudely painted. Conspicuously missing is a Kenny doll. It seems that it may have existed, fitting snugly between the Cartman and Stan dolls, but it didn't make it to America. In case you can't tell, this is the order of dolls: Ike goes inside Chef, who goes inside Kyle, who goes inside Stan, who goes inside Cartman (but may have gone inside a Kenny doll, which would then go into the Cartman doll).

Click on the thumbnails below for larger images:
Line-up, showing front of Cartman doll Cascade, showing "South PARK" lettering

And one more thing...
Listen to Dr. Demento, and you may hear "'South Park' Junkie" by Sudden Death, which is actually my ex-roommate, Tom Rockwell.

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Last updated on July 31, 2000

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